Warning Signs Of An Abusive Partner

Abusers are generally quite good at semblance. Yet there are a few traits that you should be wary of:

1. Shows jealousy and extreme possessiveness. If your partner shows signs of extreme jealousy and loses his cool, even if it's because you spend time with your own family. Friends are a far cry. If your partner is overly demanding of your time, leaving you not enough time for yourself. If your partner makes a hue and cry over the fact that you hung out with your friends.  Statements like "you belong to me".."you are my property", "you are answerable to me" should make you run at full speed.

2. Tries to isolate you from your family and friends. The abuser passes negative remarks for your family and friends, trying every bit to sabotage your relationships with others, even going to the extent of making the victim choose between the abuser and the family / friends. The abuser follows this tactic so that you do not have anyone to confide in, there's no one to make you see things through and guide you, there's no one to rescue you from an abusive relationship. Never give up on your family and friends. They are the one's who'll always have your back. If someone wants to be with you, he'll make an endeavor to maintain healthy relations with your family and friends. If he hesitates, he has a hidden agenda.

3. Excessively controlling. He will tell you what to wear. All decisions will be made by him. He will not even seek your suggestion and his decision will just be forced upon you. He would give orders. The word 'request' does not even exist in his dictionary.

4. Scary. You constantly worry as to how he would react to every little thing. He threatens you of dire consequences, uses or owns weapons.

5. Violent behaviour. If your partner has had a history of picking up fights, losing temper at the drop of a hat, brags about brawls, gets into road rage, etc.

6. Belittles. If your partner belittles you and disregards your opinion. If there's name calling, like he calls you a b**ch or uses objectionable words for your family.

7. Snubs. If your partner snubs you every now and then. Doesn't let you speak your mind. Tells you that it would either be his way or the highway.

8. Gets too serious about the relationship. If he simply dives into the relationship, it's a sign that he's found his prey. Remember the sooner something starts, the sooner it would end. Do not fall for the "I love you" if you've only known each other for a couple of days.

9. Has had a history of bad relationships.

10. Chauvinistic traits. He believes that men should be powerful and in control, while women should have submissive and passive demeanor.

11. Enjoys sadistic videos. Watch out if your spouse's / beau's favourite movie happens to be 'silence of the lambs'. See if he enjoys sadistic spine-chilling movies.

12. Sexual problems. In some cases, a man who suffers from an extreme sexual dysfunction, may try to assert control over a woman by assaulting her physically, mentally and financially to keep her tied down in the relationship. He would keep a constant watch over the victim. All this is only to cover up for the problem that he's been dealing with and is not ready to accept.

13. Egoistic. There's a huge difference between self-respect and ego. If your partner has an insanely bloated ego, it is impossible for him to ever realize his mistake. Without a doubt, all the blame will be shifted to your shoulders, even if it's his own doing. Such a person is potentially harmful in the long run.

14. Insensitive towards animals and hapless. Someone who lacks basic sensitivity towards animals and hapless people and hits or abuses them, that's exactly how he will treat you. Be wary of such behaviour.

15. Continuous denial of sex. This could be one of those power-play tactics (passively aggressive behaviour) played by the abuser. He might completely withhold sex to have an upper hand in the relationship. This is a form of emotional cruelty as this leaves the partner feeling unattractive and  unworthy. An occasional refusal due to a logical and very reasonable problem is acceptable but not when it becomes a daily affair. If latter is the case, then your partner is plain abusive.

16. Constantly checks up on you. If your partner checks your call logs, phone details, calls up every few minutes to check if you are home, frantically calls up on all phones if you don't attend a call on either of the phones, etc.

17. Is a narcissist. Such a person will never accept his follies and will never make any effort to work it out or change his violent behaviour.

- Surbhi Tangri

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