We all want our daughters and sisters to be treated right. Why have double standards for the wife (daughter-in-law) then? Why treat the woman who embraces your family (a family she wasn't brought up into..a family she never knew existed for 20 something years of her life..a family whose habits are different from those of her own..a family who has a different set of ideologies from the ones she was brought up with..)..Embraces your family with open arms, an open mind and an even open heart..Treat her at the same pedestal with your own sister/daughter..
Reminds me of those typical arranged matrimonial meetings where the boy's mother asks (without a smile) if the girl in question has any traits of temper and then the boy's father proudly announces that their own daughter throws tantrums now and then..I wonder if they give her a trophy to applaud her crazy achievements, while they look for a cow for their son :P
The men and their parents seek a woman who's a trained chef and then again, proudly announce that their own daughter stays a mile away from the kitchen and they don't let their sons enter the kitchen..(Yeah others brought their daughters to serve others till eternity and trained their daughters only to grow up one fine day and cook for the husband and in-laws and that justifies her existence on mother earth :P )
They seek a woman who believes in saving money and isn't a spendthrift and yet again, amuse everyone with their daughter's shopping-rampage stories..Funny eh?
Why rant about humanity and being 'cultured' when it is a far cry in case of the daughter-in-law? One of those many ironic things that India faces. This post is just a gentle reminder that other girls are brought up just as lovingly as yours, with as much comforts (probably way more)..
Dear Indian men,
While you, your sister and parents seek personal space, so does the lady who joins your family..Give her some space so she doesn't feel claustrophobic..
While you, your sister and parents have an indisputable right to have mood swings, feel the need to be left alone and do your own thing, so does the new member..Treat her like a member of the family, not a caretaker who isn't even allowed to show any emotions..
While you, your sister and parents have a personal opinion on everything, so does a woman..God bestowed her with an equally sharp set of brains..Lend her your ear when she speaks her mind..
While you, your sister and parents feel drowsy and need to rest your bones, so does she..Why expect her to work like a machine day in and day out? Rest is essential for both physical and mental health..Running around little kids and overgrown ones like yourself leaves her both mentally and physically drained out..So, have a heart!
While you and your sister have never cooked, why expect the wife/daughter-in-law to be a trained chef..? Does helping out in the kitchen or keeping a maid (fairly cheap in India) really hurt? If your wife can help you out with the finances, you sure can help out with the household work and the kids..Doesn't make you any less of a man..Why can't you ensure a comfortable home for her and give her all that she has been used to, so she isn't made to feel like she's made the biggest mistake of her life by landing up in your family..
While you love your parents to the hilt, her own parents are just as dear to her and why shouldn't they be..Like your parents, her parents were the one's who brought her to this world..Her very existence is 'coz of them..They were the one's who brought her up and took care of her education and well-being..Stayed up all night, when she ran fever..Stood by her side rock solid through the thick and thin of life..Remember you didn't even exist in her world earlier..! Why be shallow and snatch her away from her parents? Why can't both sides of the parents be loved and respected equally? Why can't you be a part of her side of the family as well and share the responsibility? Or do your parents age a little faster?
While you love to have friends around, so does she..We're social beings and we all need people around, to talk to, share our feelings with and hang out..
While you expect her to adjust, a little bit of adjustment from your side will go a long way too..Remember that it takes two to tango!
While you hate to be shouted at, so does she..Just coz she's married to you, it certainly doesn't give anyone (husband/ mother-in-law/ father-in-law/ others) a right to yell at her..Respect is mutual..Don't yell and don't let anyone yell at her either..Her relationship with other members of your family is by virtue of her relationship with you.
Oh, so you love your scotch eh? Your sister loves her vodka and passed out at a club last week? Why is there such a hue and cry over a wife/daughter-in-law sipping a glass of wine, if she can handle her drinks? I'd say you should have a romantic dinner and get a little tipsy ;)
Why cross the line of basic decency with the wife/daughter-in-law and expect her to deal with it, just because she isn't your flesh and blood..? Wow! Why can't you make adjustments too and match up to her standards? Unlike men, most women dream of an ideal marriage, ideal husband, ideal home, ideal life all through our growing-up years..Don't shatter those dreams..
Why have double standards and seek the very best for yourself and one's sisters/daughters and act as control freaks for the wife/daughter-in-law..? The lady happens to be a human being, just like you, just like your sister, just like your parents..
Marriage doesn't mean that she should abjure her family and friends,doesn't mean that a woman's personal space should be infringed upon, doesn't mean that she has to beg for her livelihood, doesn't mean that she doesn't have a right to stand up for herself, doesn't mean that she should be controlled by one and all (guy's family) or treated with an iota of disrespect, doesn't mean that you bring a cook home and make her slog, doesn't mean that she runs on batteries and works non-stop while you laze around on your backside, doesn't mean that you own her! Appreciate her efforts and appreciate her sticking around by your side through the ups and downs, be a man and stand up for her..
Why do kids become the sole responsibility of a woman..Why can't a man be a part of it..Remember, they're your kids too! This time will never come back and one day when they grow up, you'll look back and repent..Parenthood is beautiful..Bask in the glory!
She's married to you! It is your responsibility to look after her, keep her safe and warm, keep her happy, stand up for her, provide her with as much comfort so she doesn't miss her parents' too much and love her immensely..Be her friend, her confidant, her lover, her husband and a responsible father of her kids..Be a man and not a crazy sissy little boy..Learn to strike a balance..One life, make the most of it!!
Dear Ladies,
Don't succumb to any unreasonable pressure. Stand up for yourselves. Until and unless you realize your own worth, no one will let you have it that easy. Never ever give a soul a chance to treat you with disrespect. If you take it once, you will have to take it indefinitely. Marriage requires adjustments on everyone's part, not you alone. Let your in-laws make room for you and treat you with respect. Let your husband make adjustments too. Don't just sit there waiting for a miracle to take place!
Dear mothers-in-law/sisters-in-law,
If you've led smooth married lives, about time that you let others make their own nest and enjoy the marital bliss..If you were made to go through a lot of marital turmoil, you should be able to relate to it much better and for the sake of humanity, ensure that this practice stops and your daughter-in-law doesn't go through the same.
If you want nothing but the very best for your own daughter, let your daughter-in-law experience the very best. Don't get into any kind of unnecessary tussle. It just destroys everyone's mental peace. Step back a little and you'll always get a lot of respect and bask in pure happiness having your grandchildren in your arms and a loving daughter-in-law.
If you meddle too much, you'll lose your respect for a lifetime. Remember your daughter-in-law married your son and not you. Let them be! If your son's old enough to keep a fruitful job, deal with his boss and clients at work, tie the knot and procreate, he's old enough to make decisions for himself and his wife and kids. Let him nurture his own nest. Don't interfere with their daily business. Embrace the new member of your family with love and respect and she'll always keep you in high regard. Respecting others' personal space goes a long way.
Love and respect are always mutual..Adopting the 'live and let live' policy just makes staying together a lot more easier..It isn't a battle that needs to be fought out every single day of your life and there's no need to control one another..Life is too short to ruin it with your wrong-doing..Live it up, share your laughter and love immensely..
Let good sense, empathy, respect and love prevail..
This is dedicated to my beautiful Mom and loving Dad. Thank you for being my pillar of strength, loving me to the hilt and teaching me to stand up for myself!
- Surbhi Tangri
© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.
You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/05/indian-marriages-and-array-of-double.html]
For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com
Reminds me of those typical arranged matrimonial meetings where the boy's mother asks (without a smile) if the girl in question has any traits of temper and then the boy's father proudly announces that their own daughter throws tantrums now and then..I wonder if they give her a trophy to applaud her crazy achievements, while they look for a cow for their son :P
The men and their parents seek a woman who's a trained chef and then again, proudly announce that their own daughter stays a mile away from the kitchen and they don't let their sons enter the kitchen..(Yeah others brought their daughters to serve others till eternity and trained their daughters only to grow up one fine day and cook for the husband and in-laws and that justifies her existence on mother earth :P )
They seek a woman who believes in saving money and isn't a spendthrift and yet again, amuse everyone with their daughter's shopping-rampage stories..Funny eh?
Why rant about humanity and being 'cultured' when it is a far cry in case of the daughter-in-law? One of those many ironic things that India faces. This post is just a gentle reminder that other girls are brought up just as lovingly as yours, with as much comforts (probably way more)..
Dear Indian men,
While you, your sister and parents seek personal space, so does the lady who joins your family..Give her some space so she doesn't feel claustrophobic..
While you, your sister and parents have an indisputable right to have mood swings, feel the need to be left alone and do your own thing, so does the new member..Treat her like a member of the family, not a caretaker who isn't even allowed to show any emotions..
While you, your sister and parents have a personal opinion on everything, so does a woman..God bestowed her with an equally sharp set of brains..Lend her your ear when she speaks her mind..
While you, your sister and parents feel drowsy and need to rest your bones, so does she..Why expect her to work like a machine day in and day out? Rest is essential for both physical and mental health..Running around little kids and overgrown ones like yourself leaves her both mentally and physically drained out..So, have a heart!
While you and your sister have never cooked, why expect the wife/daughter-in-law to be a trained chef..? Does helping out in the kitchen or keeping a maid (fairly cheap in India) really hurt? If your wife can help you out with the finances, you sure can help out with the household work and the kids..Doesn't make you any less of a man..Why can't you ensure a comfortable home for her and give her all that she has been used to, so she isn't made to feel like she's made the biggest mistake of her life by landing up in your family..
While you love to have friends around, so does she..We're social beings and we all need people around, to talk to, share our feelings with and hang out..
While you expect her to adjust, a little bit of adjustment from your side will go a long way too..Remember that it takes two to tango!
While you hate to be shouted at, so does she..Just coz she's married to you, it certainly doesn't give anyone (husband/ mother-in-law/ father-in-law/ others) a right to yell at her..Respect is mutual..Don't yell and don't let anyone yell at her either..Her relationship with other members of your family is by virtue of her relationship with you.
Oh, so you love your scotch eh? Your sister loves her vodka and passed out at a club last week? Why is there such a hue and cry over a wife/daughter-in-law sipping a glass of wine, if she can handle her drinks? I'd say you should have a romantic dinner and get a little tipsy ;)
Why cross the line of basic decency with the wife/daughter-in-law and expect her to deal with it, just because she isn't your flesh and blood..? Wow! Why can't you make adjustments too and match up to her standards? Unlike men, most women dream of an ideal marriage, ideal husband, ideal home, ideal life all through our growing-up years..Don't shatter those dreams..
Why have double standards and seek the very best for yourself and one's sisters/daughters and act as control freaks for the wife/daughter-in-law..? The lady happens to be a human being, just like you, just like your sister, just like your parents..
Marriage doesn't mean that she should abjure her family and friends,doesn't mean that a woman's personal space should be infringed upon, doesn't mean that she has to beg for her livelihood, doesn't mean that she doesn't have a right to stand up for herself, doesn't mean that she should be controlled by one and all (guy's family) or treated with an iota of disrespect, doesn't mean that you bring a cook home and make her slog, doesn't mean that she runs on batteries and works non-stop while you laze around on your backside, doesn't mean that you own her! Appreciate her efforts and appreciate her sticking around by your side through the ups and downs, be a man and stand up for her..
Why do kids become the sole responsibility of a woman..Why can't a man be a part of it..Remember, they're your kids too! This time will never come back and one day when they grow up, you'll look back and repent..Parenthood is beautiful..Bask in the glory!
She's married to you! It is your responsibility to look after her, keep her safe and warm, keep her happy, stand up for her, provide her with as much comfort so she doesn't miss her parents' too much and love her immensely..Be her friend, her confidant, her lover, her husband and a responsible father of her kids..Be a man and not a crazy sissy little boy..Learn to strike a balance..One life, make the most of it!!
Dear Ladies,
Don't succumb to any unreasonable pressure. Stand up for yourselves. Until and unless you realize your own worth, no one will let you have it that easy. Never ever give a soul a chance to treat you with disrespect. If you take it once, you will have to take it indefinitely. Marriage requires adjustments on everyone's part, not you alone. Let your in-laws make room for you and treat you with respect. Let your husband make adjustments too. Don't just sit there waiting for a miracle to take place!
Dear mothers-in-law/sisters-in-law,
If you've led smooth married lives, about time that you let others make their own nest and enjoy the marital bliss..If you were made to go through a lot of marital turmoil, you should be able to relate to it much better and for the sake of humanity, ensure that this practice stops and your daughter-in-law doesn't go through the same.
If you want nothing but the very best for your own daughter, let your daughter-in-law experience the very best. Don't get into any kind of unnecessary tussle. It just destroys everyone's mental peace. Step back a little and you'll always get a lot of respect and bask in pure happiness having your grandchildren in your arms and a loving daughter-in-law.
If you meddle too much, you'll lose your respect for a lifetime. Remember your daughter-in-law married your son and not you. Let them be! If your son's old enough to keep a fruitful job, deal with his boss and clients at work, tie the knot and procreate, he's old enough to make decisions for himself and his wife and kids. Let him nurture his own nest. Don't interfere with their daily business. Embrace the new member of your family with love and respect and she'll always keep you in high regard. Respecting others' personal space goes a long way.
Love and respect are always mutual..Adopting the 'live and let live' policy just makes staying together a lot more easier..It isn't a battle that needs to be fought out every single day of your life and there's no need to control one another..Life is too short to ruin it with your wrong-doing..Live it up, share your laughter and love immensely..
This is dedicated to my beautiful Mom and loving Dad. Thank you for being my pillar of strength, loving me to the hilt and teaching me to stand up for myself!
- Surbhi Tangri
© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.
You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/05/indian-marriages-and-array-of-double.html]
For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com
