Coping Up With Divorce

Divorce hurts. No one gets into a relationship with the intention of getting separated. A divorce amounts to profound sense of loss and shattered dreams. You get a sinking feeling and your routine life gets affected. You are suddenly in a state of trance. You wonder if you will ever find love again or will you lead a single life for the rest of your life. The anxiousness about the future gets you all worried. It gets worse when you have just escaped a violent marriage. I'm sharing my experience how I dealt with the depression. Here's what helped me get over it:

1. Acknowledge the situation: If it was meant to be, it would have worked out in the first place. Since, it hasn't, there's probably something better out there for you. Unless and until you snap out of it, you will never really discover what's in store for you.

2. Not the end of the world: A divorce is no longer a big deal. The world's changing and so is the mindset of the society. You'd rather stay single than be with someone who's horribly wrong. Yes, it's not what you had planned but life's like that. You'll make through. Hang in there!

3. Talk: I feel you should never keep anything bottled up inside you. Pour your heart out with your family and friends. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. Talk about it to the extent that the topic no longer disturbs you.

4. Allow yourself to grieve: A divorce implies a major loss. You will experience a conflicting set of emotions. It's okay to get angry or sad or feel relieved or confused. Don't hold back your emotions. Let it out. Cry if you want to. It's absolutely normal to do so.

5. Move on: Don't dwell on it. Don't get into a cycle of resentment, revenge, negativity and over-analyzing. Break-free. Work towards starting afresh and building yourself hereupon.

6. Forgive: Yes, you've been hurt and your dreams have been shattered. But you will not be able to move on and forget things till you do not forgive. By forgiving, you are only setting yourself free from the shackles of a broken marriage.

7. Give time some time: Recovery period depends from person to person. Give yourself some time. Time is the best healer.

8. Make a list of resources and challenges: You would need to take care of your finances.  You would need to analyze the future expenses that may occur and how you would generate a fixed monthly income to run the house. If you haven't been working for a while, look for a job. If there are kids involved, you need to cater to their needs and secure their future. Get in touch with an investment adviser so you can take care of whatever little resources you have. Also, get in touch with a lawyer.

9. Dealing with the kids: If you and your spouse fall apart because of your differences, you need to tell the kids that despite the divorce, both you and your ex will look after them. If you have parted ways due to something as serious as domestic violence, your children would have already witnessed everything and you need to reassure them that they are safe. Spend time with them. Share a laugh.

10. Keep yourself busy: Getting out of the four-walls of your house can be difficult initially. But that first step has the potential of turning your life around. Go out, socialize, keep yourself busy at work. It'll help you divert your mind but don't exert yourself too much.

11. Positive thoughts bring positive results: I truly believe that if life takes you down, it will launch you into something better. Read a lot of positive books and positive quotes. It will help you recover faster. Surround yourself with positive people and let go of those who reek of negativity.

12. Nurture yourself: Go ahead and explore the world. Do the things you had always dreamt of doing. Go travel. Pick a hobby. Hit the gym. Start a new health regime. Get yourself a new haircut. Go for a spa session. Make new friends. Socialise. Remember that you have only one life. Make the most of it! Never let your confidence go down. You are special. Your happiness is YOUR choice.

13. Watch comedy movies / stand-up comedy: Refrain from serious drama and watch anything that brings a hearty laugh. It'll help you divert your mind.

14. Music to the rescue: Music is a good healer. Listen to foot-tapping numbers or instrumental kinds. You can also try the ancient Reiki or oriental music (the kinds they play at spas and oriental restaurants). It soothes one's senses. Stay away from those sentimental kinds and avoid the music that reminds you of your ex. That will just screw your head up and you'll be in a depressing loop. Avoid till you think yo have overcome your grief.

15. Avoid rushing into a new relationship instantly: Give yourself time to heal before you dive into a new relationship. Do your thing and you'll find someone along the way. If it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world. Love yourself. Everything else will fall into place.

16. Avoid indulging in alcohol, drugs, smoking, hogging or sleeping pills: Don't complicate your life further. Indulging in any of these will lead to a huge destruction in the long run. Avoid at all costs. Don't take sleeping pills unless you have been prescribed the same by your psychiatrist.

17. Meditate or pray: Even through the tough journey of a violent marriage, I found solace in my prayers. It induced positivity and strength to overcome my fears and kept me sane.

18. Exercise: Studies show that regular exercise helps reduce stress and helps you build immunity against diseases. Sweat it out!

19. Do what is right for you: People will tell you to do a lot of things. Do what you think is right for you. Listen to YOUR instincts. You are the best judge.

20. Lose past baggage: Do not turn into a misandrist or a misogynist. Let go of all the hurt and encumbrances from your past relationship. If you think you are ready to move on in life with a new person, remember to never compare the two people. Give your hundred per cent, yet don't let anyone treat you with an iota of disrespect. It takes two to tango! Take your time and make a wise decision this time around.

-Surbhi Tangri

© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.

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Top Ten Annoying People

We are all surrounded by annoying people. See how many of those you know:

1. Manipulative smart alecks: Some people make such excellent manipulators. They twist and turn things to push their own agenda. They manipulate to get every possible benefit out of you. It is quite typical of them to twist things and even make you look like the bad guy. If you don't realize and do something about it, the manipulator will see you as an easy target.

2. Shameless borrowers: Some borrowers really go over-board and make it a habit and don't know when to stop. Once it starts, it is pretty difficult to break the cycle. Someone who is in a habit of borrowing will almost always seek your things and probably assume that they have some sort of right on your belongings. We all like to help but the daily borrowing is seriously annoying.

3. Serial callers: Unless and until there's something urgent, people should refrain from making back-to-back calls. Some people assume that others should be free to take their calls right when they call or when THEY (caller) are free. They would go an extra mile to annoy you by calling up on all the phone numbers they know. They also fail to understand that someone who isn't taking the first one is probably busy or not even near the phone. Back-to-back calls doesn't help but only makes the caller lose the credibility and God forbid, if something actually goes wrong, their calls would be taken lightly.

4. Unsolicited advisers: Some people like to give advice, whether you want any or don't and whether they know anything or don't. They itch to give advice.

5. Touchy feelies: 'Sensory defensiveness' is a condition where an individual reacts to sensory input. Most individuals have mild sensory defensive traits. It is probably best not to get touchy especially when you don't know someone that well. It's annoying how some women like to touch the face of other women to feel their skin. Men should definitely refrain from getting touchy with women they barely know or during the first few dates. It speaks of desperation and is a complete turn-off.

6. Prophets of doom (pessimists): Some people reek of negativity. You will never hear them talking anything positive about anyone. If you ever tell them any of your plans, they would come up with something negative at the drop of a hat. It's like they just can't see anything positive in anything. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you do, other than the fact that your company sucks. The problem lies with these downers, who are simply unhappy with their own lives or immensely jealous of your life. Remember if you hear only negative things, you will be become skeptical about everything and that's a horrible way to live. Surround yourself with positive people and maintain your distance with the pessimists.

7. Selfish douchebags: A selfish person is only concerned about his own profit, interest or pleasure. He has least consideration for others. He wouldn't do a thing, forget about going an extra mile. A selfish person drains out others completely. It's best to maintain your distance rather than getting letting yourself get used.

8. Hypocrite nutcases: 

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE said:

"O, what may man within him hide,

Though angel on the outward side!"

The dictionary defines a hypocrite as a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

Some people practise very little of what they preach. Probably they are too ashamed of their real selves that they prefer to cover it up with a lot of bullshit. Changing their wicked actions or letting go of the guise would actually do them some good. Hypocrites are my biggest source of entertainment. It's funny to see how brazenly they portray what they're actually not. It gets difficult to figure out which side of the face (of the two-faced people) to slap first!

9. Compulsive liars (pathological liars): Most people lie to an acceptable degree. We tend to lie to our bosses for leave, lie to friends if we are running late, etc. But a compulsive liar will lie for just about anything and everything. He finds solace in lying and lying becomes his second nature, his way of life. Liars would have different versions of the same story. Pathological liars don't see it that way. It is a personality disorder which needs to be addressed through therapy. 

10. Promise breakers: Promises are easy to make, difficult to keep! I find it quite difficult to fathom how difficult keeping a promise can be. Of course, there can always be genuine reasons for not being able to keep promises. But some people are plain shameless and not worth their salt. They eventually lose their credibility.

-Surbhi Tangri

© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.

You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/07/top-ten-annoying-people.html]

For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com