Divorce hurts. No one gets into a relationship with the intention of getting separated. A divorce amounts to profound sense of loss and shattered dreams. You get a sinking feeling and your routine life gets affected. You are suddenly in a state of trance. You wonder if you will ever find love again or will you lead a single life for the rest of your life. The anxiousness about the future gets you all worried. It gets worse when you have just escaped a violent marriage. I'm sharing my experience how I dealt with the depression. Here's what helped me get over it:
1. Acknowledge the situation: If it was meant to be, it would have worked out in the first place. Since, it hasn't, there's probably something better out there for you. Unless and until you snap out of it, you will never really discover what's in store for you.
2. Not the end of the world: A divorce is no longer a big deal. The world's changing and so is the mindset of the society. You'd rather stay single than be with someone who's horribly wrong. Yes, it's not what you had planned but life's like that. You'll make through. Hang in there!
3. Talk: I feel you should never keep anything bottled up inside you. Pour your heart out with your family and friends. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. Talk about it to the extent that the topic no longer disturbs you.
4. Allow yourself to grieve: A divorce implies a major loss. You will experience a conflicting set of emotions. It's okay to get angry or sad or feel relieved or confused. Don't hold back your emotions. Let it out. Cry if you want to. It's absolutely normal to do so.
5. Move on: Don't dwell on it. Don't get into a cycle of resentment, revenge, negativity and over-analyzing. Break-free. Work towards starting afresh and building yourself hereupon.
6. Forgive: Yes, you've been hurt and your dreams have been shattered. But you will not be able to move on and forget things till you do not forgive. By forgiving, you are only setting yourself free from the shackles of a broken marriage.
7. Give time some time: Recovery period depends from person to person. Give yourself some time. Time is the best healer.
8. Make a list of resources and challenges: You would need to take care of your finances. You would need to analyze the future expenses that may occur and how you would generate a fixed monthly income to run the house. If you haven't been working for a while, look for a job. If there are kids involved, you need to cater to their needs and secure their future. Get in touch with an investment adviser so you can take care of whatever little resources you have. Also, get in touch with a lawyer.
9. Dealing with the kids: If you and your spouse fall apart because of your differences, you need to tell the kids that despite the divorce, both you and your ex will look after them. If you have parted ways due to something as serious as domestic violence, your children would have already witnessed everything and you need to reassure them that they are safe. Spend time with them. Share a laugh.
10. Keep yourself busy: Getting out of the four-walls of your house can be difficult initially. But that first step has the potential of turning your life around. Go out, socialize, keep yourself busy at work. It'll help you divert your mind but don't exert yourself too much.
11. Positive thoughts bring positive results: I truly believe that if life takes you down, it will launch you into something better. Read a lot of positive books and positive quotes. It will help you recover faster. Surround yourself with positive people and let go of those who reek of negativity.
12. Nurture yourself: Go ahead and explore the world. Do the things you had always dreamt of doing. Go travel. Pick a hobby. Hit the gym. Start a new health regime. Get yourself a new haircut. Go for a spa session. Make new friends. Socialise. Remember that you have only one life. Make the most of it! Never let your confidence go down. You are special. Your happiness is YOUR choice.
13. Watch comedy movies / stand-up comedy: Refrain from serious drama and watch anything that brings a hearty laugh. It'll help you divert your mind.
14. Music to the rescue: Music is a good healer. Listen to foot-tapping numbers or instrumental kinds. You can also try the ancient Reiki or oriental music (the kinds they play at spas and oriental restaurants). It soothes one's senses. Stay away from those sentimental kinds and avoid the music that reminds you of your ex. That will just screw your head up and you'll be in a depressing loop. Avoid till you think yo have overcome your grief.
15. Avoid rushing into a new relationship instantly: Give yourself time to heal before you dive into a new relationship. Do your thing and you'll find someone along the way. If it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world. Love yourself. Everything else will fall into place.
16. Avoid indulging in alcohol, drugs, smoking, hogging or sleeping pills: Don't complicate your life further. Indulging in any of these will lead to a huge destruction in the long run. Avoid at all costs. Don't take sleeping pills unless you have been prescribed the same by your psychiatrist.
17. Meditate or pray: Even through the tough journey of a violent marriage, I found solace in my prayers. It induced positivity and strength to overcome my fears and kept me sane.
18. Exercise: Studies show that regular exercise helps reduce stress and helps you build immunity against diseases. Sweat it out!
19. Do what is right for you: People will tell you to do a lot of things. Do what you think is right for you. Listen to YOUR instincts. You are the best judge.
20. Lose past baggage: Do not turn into a misandrist or a misogynist. Let go of all the hurt and encumbrances from your past relationship. If you think you are ready to move on in life with a new person, remember to never compare the two people. Give your hundred per cent, yet don't let anyone treat you with an iota of disrespect. It takes two to tango! Take your time and make a wise decision this time around.
-Surbhi Tangri
© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.
You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/07/coping-up-with-divorce.html]
For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com
1. Acknowledge the situation: If it was meant to be, it would have worked out in the first place. Since, it hasn't, there's probably something better out there for you. Unless and until you snap out of it, you will never really discover what's in store for you.
2. Not the end of the world: A divorce is no longer a big deal. The world's changing and so is the mindset of the society. You'd rather stay single than be with someone who's horribly wrong. Yes, it's not what you had planned but life's like that. You'll make through. Hang in there!
4. Allow yourself to grieve: A divorce implies a major loss. You will experience a conflicting set of emotions. It's okay to get angry or sad or feel relieved or confused. Don't hold back your emotions. Let it out. Cry if you want to. It's absolutely normal to do so.
5. Move on: Don't dwell on it. Don't get into a cycle of resentment, revenge, negativity and over-analyzing. Break-free. Work towards starting afresh and building yourself hereupon.
6. Forgive: Yes, you've been hurt and your dreams have been shattered. But you will not be able to move on and forget things till you do not forgive. By forgiving, you are only setting yourself free from the shackles of a broken marriage.
7. Give time some time: Recovery period depends from person to person. Give yourself some time. Time is the best healer.
8. Make a list of resources and challenges: You would need to take care of your finances. You would need to analyze the future expenses that may occur and how you would generate a fixed monthly income to run the house. If you haven't been working for a while, look for a job. If there are kids involved, you need to cater to their needs and secure their future. Get in touch with an investment adviser so you can take care of whatever little resources you have. Also, get in touch with a lawyer.
9. Dealing with the kids: If you and your spouse fall apart because of your differences, you need to tell the kids that despite the divorce, both you and your ex will look after them. If you have parted ways due to something as serious as domestic violence, your children would have already witnessed everything and you need to reassure them that they are safe. Spend time with them. Share a laugh.
10. Keep yourself busy: Getting out of the four-walls of your house can be difficult initially. But that first step has the potential of turning your life around. Go out, socialize, keep yourself busy at work. It'll help you divert your mind but don't exert yourself too much.
11. Positive thoughts bring positive results: I truly believe that if life takes you down, it will launch you into something better. Read a lot of positive books and positive quotes. It will help you recover faster. Surround yourself with positive people and let go of those who reek of negativity.
12. Nurture yourself: Go ahead and explore the world. Do the things you had always dreamt of doing. Go travel. Pick a hobby. Hit the gym. Start a new health regime. Get yourself a new haircut. Go for a spa session. Make new friends. Socialise. Remember that you have only one life. Make the most of it! Never let your confidence go down. You are special. Your happiness is YOUR choice.
13. Watch comedy movies / stand-up comedy: Refrain from serious drama and watch anything that brings a hearty laugh. It'll help you divert your mind.
14. Music to the rescue: Music is a good healer. Listen to foot-tapping numbers or instrumental kinds. You can also try the ancient Reiki or oriental music (the kinds they play at spas and oriental restaurants). It soothes one's senses. Stay away from those sentimental kinds and avoid the music that reminds you of your ex. That will just screw your head up and you'll be in a depressing loop. Avoid till you think yo have overcome your grief.
15. Avoid rushing into a new relationship instantly: Give yourself time to heal before you dive into a new relationship. Do your thing and you'll find someone along the way. If it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world. Love yourself. Everything else will fall into place.
16. Avoid indulging in alcohol, drugs, smoking, hogging or sleeping pills: Don't complicate your life further. Indulging in any of these will lead to a huge destruction in the long run. Avoid at all costs. Don't take sleeping pills unless you have been prescribed the same by your psychiatrist.
17. Meditate or pray: Even through the tough journey of a violent marriage, I found solace in my prayers. It induced positivity and strength to overcome my fears and kept me sane.
18. Exercise: Studies show that regular exercise helps reduce stress and helps you build immunity against diseases. Sweat it out!
19. Do what is right for you: People will tell you to do a lot of things. Do what you think is right for you. Listen to YOUR instincts. You are the best judge.
20. Lose past baggage: Do not turn into a misandrist or a misogynist. Let go of all the hurt and encumbrances from your past relationship. If you think you are ready to move on in life with a new person, remember to never compare the two people. Give your hundred per cent, yet don't let anyone treat you with an iota of disrespect. It takes two to tango! Take your time and make a wise decision this time around.
-Surbhi Tangri
© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.
You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/07/coping-up-with-divorce.html]
For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com
Good solid advice,Surbhi. Not a bad entry...
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouraging words, Michael :)
ReplyDelete