1. Extend support: Extend your support in every possible way you can. Lend her your ears and time. Offer her a place to stay, rescue her, make all important calls (victim's parents, cops, NGO), ring the doorbell, be a call away.
2. Never tell them to 'adjust': I find the word 'adjust' absolutely crazy. Adjustment is made from both sides. It takes two to tango..Your relationship cannot sail through if only you put in all the effort. It'll exhaust you off completely.
3. Never tell them to be the calm: Staying silent doesn't solve any problem. Peace at home is the responsibility of both partners and love and respect are absolutely mutual.
4. Show them the mirror: Make them understand how horrible things are and what might happen. Tell them that they deserve a healthy and happy life and not the mess they're going through. Tell them that no matter how hard they try, it is never going to be enough for the abusive partner. Let them know that the abuse is not their fault. But if you find them unrelenting to the fact, just be there as a friend and hear them out. Victims take a while to accept that they are in a horrible relationship and Stick around for your friend.
5. Tell them that you are there: Victims need that reassurance that someone is there for them.
6. Help them devise an SOS plan: Keep a code word or something. Help her escape.
7. Encourage her to contact the right authorities: Contact a support group / NGO on behalf of your friend and offer to take the victim there. Accompany the victim to the police station, lawyer's office and court.
8. Don't lose your cool: Even though seeing someone you care about go through a murky relationship can be quite frustrating, especially when the victim is not mentally prepared to move out, let the victim decide for herself. You can't do anything till the victim makes up her mind to call it quits. Have patience.
10. Never tell them to plan a baby:
Things will only get murkier with the arrival of the child. Your relative / friend will find it all the more difficult to get out of the abusive relationship. You don't want another life going through it.
11. Refrain from giving legal advice if you have absolutely no knowledge:
Half knowledge is worse than no knowledge. Get the right help for the victim. Refrain from giving any 'legal advice'.
12. If your family member / friend ends the relationship: Let her talk it out. Even though the horrifying chapter is over, she still might need emotional support. Don't discourage her from talking about it. Talking will cleanse her system for good. She'll get out of it much faster. Hear her out. Be there for her.
13. Never blame her for their divorce and never remind her of their past. Unless and until she wants to talk about it, let bygones be bygones. You don't bring up the topic.
14. Bell bajao - Ring the bell. Stand up against any injustice. Call the authorities. Be a responsible citizen and don't just be a selfish soul, who walks around with blinkers and ignores everything around. Let go off the "it doesn't affect me, I shouldn't bother" syndrome.
- Surbhi Tangri
© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.
You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/06/how-family-and-friends-of-domestic.html]
For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com
2. Never tell them to 'adjust': I find the word 'adjust' absolutely crazy. Adjustment is made from both sides. It takes two to tango..Your relationship cannot sail through if only you put in all the effort. It'll exhaust you off completely.
3. Never tell them to be the calm: Staying silent doesn't solve any problem. Peace at home is the responsibility of both partners and love and respect are absolutely mutual.
4. Show them the mirror: Make them understand how horrible things are and what might happen. Tell them that they deserve a healthy and happy life and not the mess they're going through. Tell them that no matter how hard they try, it is never going to be enough for the abusive partner. Let them know that the abuse is not their fault. But if you find them unrelenting to the fact, just be there as a friend and hear them out. Victims take a while to accept that they are in a horrible relationship and Stick around for your friend.
5. Tell them that you are there: Victims need that reassurance that someone is there for them.
6. Help them devise an SOS plan: Keep a code word or something. Help her escape.
7. Encourage her to contact the right authorities: Contact a support group / NGO on behalf of your friend and offer to take the victim there. Accompany the victim to the police station, lawyer's office and court.
8. Don't lose your cool: Even though seeing someone you care about go through a murky relationship can be quite frustrating, especially when the victim is not mentally prepared to move out, let the victim decide for herself. You can't do anything till the victim makes up her mind to call it quits. Have patience.
10. Never tell them to plan a baby:
Things will only get murkier with the arrival of the child. Your relative / friend will find it all the more difficult to get out of the abusive relationship. You don't want another life going through it.
11. Refrain from giving legal advice if you have absolutely no knowledge:
Half knowledge is worse than no knowledge. Get the right help for the victim. Refrain from giving any 'legal advice'.
12. If your family member / friend ends the relationship: Let her talk it out. Even though the horrifying chapter is over, she still might need emotional support. Don't discourage her from talking about it. Talking will cleanse her system for good. She'll get out of it much faster. Hear her out. Be there for her.
13. Never blame her for their divorce and never remind her of their past. Unless and until she wants to talk about it, let bygones be bygones. You don't bring up the topic.
14. Bell bajao - Ring the bell. Stand up against any injustice. Call the authorities. Be a responsible citizen and don't just be a selfish soul, who walks around with blinkers and ignores everything around. Let go off the "it doesn't affect me, I shouldn't bother" syndrome.
- Surbhi Tangri
© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials.
You may share this website by any of the following means:
1. Using any of the share icons at the bottom of each page (Google Mail, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, GoogleBuzz);
2. Providing a back-link or the URL of the content you wish to disseminate; and
3. You may quote extracts from the website with attribution to [http://eternalsunshine17.blogspot.in/2013/06/how-family-and-friends-of-domestic.html]
For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author at the email: surbhi.tangri@ymail.com
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