Indian marriages and an array of double standards

We all want our daughters and sisters to be treated right. Why have double standards for the wife (daughter-in-law) then? Why treat the woman who embraces your family (a family she wasn't brought up into..a family she never knew existed for 20 something years of her life..a family whose habits are different from those of her own..a family who has a different set of ideologies from the ones she was brought up with..)..Embraces your family with open arms, an open mind and an even open heart..Treat her at the same pedestal with your own sister/daughter..

Reminds me of those typical arranged matrimonial meetings where the boy's mother asks (without a smile) if the girl in question has any traits of temper and then the boy's father proudly announces that their own daughter throws tantrums now and then..I wonder if they give her a trophy to applaud her crazy achievements, while they look for a cow for their son :P

The men and their parents seek a woman who's a trained chef and then again, proudly announce that their own daughter stays a mile away from the kitchen and they don't let their sons enter the kitchen..(Yeah others brought their daughters to serve others till eternity and trained their daughters only to grow up one fine day and cook for the husband and in-laws and that justifies her existence on mother earth :P )

They seek a woman who believes in saving money and isn't a spendthrift and yet again, amuse everyone with their daughter's shopping-rampage stories..Funny eh?

Why rant about humanity and being 'cultured' when it is a far cry in case of the daughter-in-law? One of those many ironic things that India faces. This post is just a gentle reminder that other girls are brought up just as lovingly as yours, with as much comforts (probably way more)..

Dear Indian men,
While you, your sister and parents seek personal space, so does the lady who joins your family..Give her some space so she doesn't feel claustrophobic..

While you, your sister and parents have an indisputable right to have mood swings, feel the need to be left alone and do your own thing, so does the new member..Treat her like a member of the family, not a caretaker who isn't even allowed to show any emotions..

While you, your sister and parents have a personal opinion on everything, so does a woman..God bestowed her with an equally sharp set of brains..Lend her your ear when she speaks her mind..

While you, your sister and parents feel drowsy and need to rest your bones, so does she..Why expect her to work like a machine day in and day out? Rest is essential for both physical and mental health..Running around little kids and overgrown ones like yourself leaves her both mentally and physically drained out..So, have a heart!

While you and your sister have never cooked, why expect the wife/daughter-in-law to be a trained chef..? Does helping out in the kitchen or keeping a maid (fairly cheap in India) really hurt? If your wife can help you out with the finances, you sure can help out with the household work and the kids..Doesn't make you any less of a man..Why can't you ensure a comfortable home for her and give her all that she has been used to, so she isn't made to feel like she's made the biggest mistake of her life by landing up in your family..

While you love your parents to the hilt, her own parents are just as dear to her and why shouldn't they be..Like your parents, her parents were the one's who brought her to this world..Her very existence is 'coz of them..They were the one's who brought her up and took care of her education and well-being..Stayed up all night, when she ran fever..Stood by her side rock solid through the thick and thin of life..Remember you didn't even exist in her world earlier..! Why be shallow and snatch her away from her parents? Why can't both sides of the parents be loved and respected equally? Why can't you be a part of her side of the family as well and share the responsibility? Or do your parents age a little faster?

While you love to have friends around, so does she..We're social beings and we all need people around, to talk to, share our feelings with and hang out..

While you expect her to adjust, a little bit of adjustment from your side will go a long way too..Remember that it takes two to tango!

While you hate to be shouted at, so does she..Just coz she's married to you, it certainly doesn't give anyone (husband/ mother-in-law/ father-in-law/ others) a right to yell at her..Respect is mutual..Don't yell and don't let anyone yell at her either..Her relationship with other members of your family is by virtue of her relationship with you.

Oh, so you love your scotch eh? Your sister loves her vodka and passed out at a club last week? Why is there such a hue and cry over a wife/daughter-in-law sipping a glass of wine, if she can handle her drinks? I'd say you should have a romantic dinner and get a little tipsy ;)

Why cross the line of basic decency with the wife/daughter-in-law and expect her to deal with it, just because she isn't your flesh and blood..? Wow! Why can't you make adjustments too and match up to her standards? Unlike men, most women dream of an ideal marriage, ideal husband, ideal home, ideal life all through our growing-up years..Don't shatter those dreams..

Why have double standards and seek the very best for yourself and one's sisters/daughters and act as control freaks for the wife/daughter-in-law..? The lady happens to be a human being, just like you, just like your sister, just like your parents..

Marriage doesn't mean that she should abjure her family and friends,doesn't mean that a woman's personal space should be infringed upon, doesn't mean that she has to beg for her livelihood, doesn't mean that she doesn't have a right to stand up for herself, doesn't mean that she should be controlled by one and all (guy's family) or treated with an iota of disrespect, doesn't mean that you bring a cook home and make her slog, doesn't mean that she runs on batteries and works non-stop while you laze around on your backside, doesn't mean that you own her! Appreciate her efforts and appreciate her sticking around by your side through the ups and downs, be a man and stand up for her..

Why do kids become the sole responsibility of a woman..Why can't a man be a part of it..Remember, they're your kids too! This time will never come back and one day when they grow up, you'll look back and repent..Parenthood is beautiful..Bask in the glory!

She's married to you! It is your responsibility to look after her, keep her safe and warm, keep her happy, stand up for her, provide her with as much comfort so she doesn't miss her parents' too much and love her immensely..Be her friend, her confidant, her lover, her husband and a responsible father of her kids..Be a man and not a crazy sissy little boy..Learn to strike a balance..One life, make the most of it!!

Dear Ladies,
Don't succumb to any unreasonable pressure. Stand up for yourselves. Until and unless you realize your own worth, no one will let you have it that easy. Never ever give a soul a chance to treat you with disrespect. If you take it once, you will have to take it indefinitely. Marriage requires adjustments on everyone's part, not you alone. Let your in-laws make room for you and treat you with respect. Let your husband make adjustments too. Don't just sit there waiting for a miracle to take place!

Dear mothers-in-law/sisters-in-law,
If you've led smooth married lives, about time that you let others make their own nest and enjoy the marital bliss..If you were made to go through a lot of marital turmoil, you should be able to relate to it much better and for the sake of humanity, ensure that this practice stops and your daughter-in-law doesn't go through the same.
If you want nothing but the very best for your own daughter, let your daughter-in-law experience the very best. Don't get into any kind of unnecessary tussle. It just destroys everyone's mental peace. Step back a little and you'll always get a lot of respect and bask in pure happiness having your grandchildren in your arms and a loving daughter-in-law.
If you meddle too much, you'll lose your respect for a lifetime. Remember your daughter-in-law married your son and not you. Let them be! If your son's old enough to keep a fruitful job, deal with his boss and clients at work, tie the knot and procreate, he's old enough to make decisions for himself and his wife and kids. Let him nurture his own nest. Don't interfere with their daily business. Embrace the new member of your family with love and respect and she'll always keep you in high regard. Respecting others' personal space goes a long way.

Love and respect are always mutual..Adopting the 'live and let live' policy just makes staying together a lot more easier..It isn't a battle that needs to be fought out every single day of your life and there's no need to control one another..Life is too short to ruin it with your wrong-doing..Live it up, share your laughter and love immensely..

Let good sense, empathy, respect and love prevail..

This is dedicated to my beautiful Mom and loving Dad. Thank you for being my pillar of strength, loving me to the hilt and teaching me to stand up for myself!

- Surbhi Tangri

© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
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Breathtaking Gauchar - travellers' paradise!

If you’ve had enough of the hustle bustle of the city and need a getaway to a peaceful and a less crowded hill station, Gauchar is exactly what you may be looking for – serene and alluring. For the adventure junkies, the town offers adventure sports to get your adrenaline soaring.

Surrounded by seven mountains and situated at an altitude of 800 metres above the sea level, Gauchar is one hell of a fascinating little town located in district Chamoli, Uttrakhand. Located on the bank of river Alaknanda, it is en route to Badrinath temple and Hemkundsahib.

For the nature lovers, scintillating natural beauty of the mountains will keep you raptured. The flora, exotic birds and butterflies are bound to leave you all mesmerized when you trail across the mountains.

For the adventure seekers, Gauchar offers the best adventure activities that India has to offer. It offers an array of action packed, adrenalin pumping activities like rafting, kayaking, rock climbing, rappelling, mountain biking, bridge slithering and valley traversing.

River Alaknanda offers a unique white water rafting experience. If you have tried your hand at rafting before at Rishikesh, this one undoubtedly beats it hands-down. The 18 km stretch between Gauchar and Rudraprayag offers a level 4 rafting experience. Yet another stretch of 32 km from Gauchar to Dharadevi, which takes 5-6 hours, is high in the list of great rapids. A basic course in Kayaking in eddies is also available.

Camping on the bank of the river is a fascinating experience in itself. The starlit sky, bonfire, gushing sound of the river amidst mountains is a great way to explore the outdoors. State of the art tents and facilities make your stay extremely comfortable.

The historic Gauchar Trade Fair is a popular event that is held for a week every year and commences on the 14^th of November. The fair promotes the local trade and culture. Apart from the industrial trade, the cultural programs of music and dance remain a major attraction that not only allure the locals but also the tourists from all over.

Apart from serving as a stopover location en route to Badrinath, Gauchar itself 

has a few ancient Hindu temples namely, Bhairavnath Temple, Raul Devta Temple, Paneshwar Shivalaya and Kali Mata Temple.

The geographical advantage of having a large flat area has served as a makeshift airstrip for the dignitaries to be flown into the town. The airstrip being built here is projected to further attract a large number of tourists. For now, the town is well connected by road. It is about 430 kms from Delhi. The nearest railway station is Rishikesh and the nearest airport is Jolly Grant, Dehradun.

© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
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Patriarchal society and a degenerating culture in India!

Back in the olden times (vedic period), women were given utmost respect and treated as "devi"..They were well qualified and had the freedom to choose their partners. Mughals screwed it all up and then the status of women deteriorated from bad to worse..

Gender bias, female foeticide, rapes, domestic violence, dowry harassment..the list just goes on!!

Most men in India think they're some sort of demi-gods. What they do not realise is that if they REALLY were superior, they would've been capable of giving birth and would've come straight out of bodies of other men..Their mothers happen to be all women and had it not been for those women, they would've landed up in drainage pipes along with millions and millions of other sperms!

Clothes worn by women are in no goddamn way an invitation for a rape. 5-year-olds do not incite men to rape them. A monster will do it any which way! Politicians, morons in khaaps and the thullas need to shut their traps!! We need action, not bakwaas bhaashan!

Blame the totally screwed up upbringing by pathetic parents (surprisingly mothers have a very important role to play here) who pump such ego's and create monsters!! Yes, the training starts at home! Starts with the want of a male child and ends in finding a cow of a girl as a bride who's expected to maintain a mellowed down image and make all the compromises because the chauvinistic goons haven't been brought up to do so. By the time they grow up, the parents have already managed to screw up their personalities beyond repair. It's appalling to see women making things tough for other women!!

A woman isn't there to cook your goddamn  meal or clean up..That expectations is absolutely abhorrent!! If you don't like doing any of that, women don't like it either!! Men have perfectly functional set of hands! If a woman can function like a superwoman, men too can at least be, Robin, if not Batman! The only thing that needs some cleaning is the extremely screwed up chauvinistic brain and the backward mindset of the society!!

I'm not a big fan of the highly shallow and so-called Indian culture. Everything about it sounds so patriarchal and totally unacceptable in the modern world!! And it wasn't supposed to be like that (Ref. Vedas). We have a society that craves for the male child and the female is usually killed inside the womb itself, thereby, horribly screwing up the sex-ratio..

Indian culture is all about a zillion people poking their nose every now and then. A zillion others who come up with shitty moral lectures, that you feel, should be shoved up their backsides..Women are expected to be all composed and take whatever comes their way..Marriages are no bed of roses here..You are bombarded by the constant interference from the over-hyper families of the grooms, who make it horribly difficult for the modern, educated women to live under the same roof..A lot of people don't have a sense of space and do not know where to draw the line and quit getting involved. I don't have any problem with the oldies. It's just the over-indulgent attitude that ticks me off.

More often than not, the woman is expected to be a part of the "guy's family" and mould herself as if she never had an identity of her own. Why should the onus lie only on the woman? Why can't a man work towards being a part of her (side) of the family as well. Yeah, tell the woman to cover herself up, tell her to keep her calm, tell her to make adjustments. How about teaching the boys to behave and treat women right??!! Sadly, it is usually the women who back such atrocious behaviour in boys.

Domestic violence and dowry harassment is yet another issue of prime importance. It is quite rampant, all thanks to the zero results that come out of reported cases and futile attempts of fighting it out in the courts. Justice delayed is clearly justice denied!

If this is what the Indian culture is all about, I love the western way of living!! They at least have a clear sense of space, yet are strongly bonded and the bond probably comes from the sense of space itself! Sense of equality and perfect law and order backs it all up!

It's about time that women break free from these highly patriarchal shackles and live it up! Unless you know your own worth, no one else will! Your life, you live it your way! Raise your voices before it gets too late!

Parents - Puhhhhhlllleeeeezzzz raise your boys well..The society is full of crap already!! Teach them to respect women and not behave like absolute bastards who bring shame to mankind!! Teach them to be sincere, responsible citizens of the nation!!

As for the men who commit crime against women, should be castrated in public, put behind bars for a lifetime. No death sentence would ever suffice the trauma a woman is put through..No awfully painful court cases, no capital punishment straightaway..We need some serious laws! No more beating around the bush and passing the buck!

-Surbhi Tangri

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Values?? Anymore??

I was studying till late last night when I heard people screaming out on the streets. I stepped out immediately for the fear of an accident right outside my complex. It appeared that a group of people had gotten into a brawl. It seemed like yet another case of road-rage.

Two old men in their early 70's were being shoved against their Santro car by a man in his late 50's and his son who was nothing more than a teenager. The father son duo screamed like mad men and manhandled the old men.

As if the two weren't enough against frail old men, the teenager's mother stepped out of her Audi and joined her husband and son. She abused the old men left, right and centre while the son and the father duo caught hold of their collars. The boy had the frigging audacity to say that the old men weren't supposed to be driving on the road. And who's the authority - the teenage boy who probably did not even have a license..??!!

The cars were parked parallel to each other, at least two feet apart, in opposite directions. Clearly the cars had not banged into each other. While the old men's santro was on the correct side of the road - left, the Audi had crossed it's admissible area of driving. The boy probably needed to be taught that in India, we drive on the left side of the road.

One of the old men folded his hands and begged for forgiveness. Wow! The lady forced her husband to sit in their Audi but the mad man refused to shut his trap. His wife sat in the co-driver's seat and after some last minute usage of some more curse words, the teenage son finally sat in the driver's seat and zoomed off. The way he drove, clearly indicated that an accident or another brawl was a few blocks away.

The way the old men were treated sent a chill down my spine and it was excruciating to watch the incident. Such incidents are on the rise.

Does owning an Audi in a country like India give one a right to cross the line of decency? It seems that the neo-rich, most of whom have become rich overnight owing to the sudden property boom, are finding it hard to digest the excess money.


Instead of teaching their kids to be humble and respect the elderly, the Parents foster extreme behaviour, which in some cases leads to serious criminal offences. Why are people losing their cool at the drop of a hat? Why do people not have any tolerance any more? Where is everyone heading? Are these the kind of citizens we want our future generations to turn out to be? Such a shame!!

- Surbhi Tangri

© 2011-2013 Surbhi Tangri
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